| Some rave of Florida's pristine white sandy | | | | Las Margaritas Hormossa Springs |
| beaches, others its endless array of world class | | | | 3. Mini Golf With Live Gators: Sarasota, Florida |
| theme parks and still others its equally endless | | | | Windmills, castles and clown noses no longer doing |
| array of senior citizens. For us however, there's | | | | it for you on the mini-golf course? Try throwing a |
| one thing to rave about above them all; its | | | | few live gators to the mix. The threat of losing |
| spectacular selection of bizarre roadside | | | | your ball (or your hand) to pack of deadly 10 foot |
| attractions. Here are some of its best: | | | | gators will have you putting with laser like |
| 1. World's Largest Shuffleboard Courts: St. | | | | precision. |
| Petersburg, Florida | | | | After your round, you can even purchase a pile |
| Grab your friend Ethel, give Gertrude a call, heck, | | | | of raw meat to feed to the resident reptiles. Or |
| clear out all of Florida's old age homes and bring | | | | alternatively, just jump in and feed them for no |
| the gang here to the world's largest shuffleboard | | | | charge. |
| courts. This may not be Florida's oldest attraction, | | | | 4. French Café Themed McDonalds: |
| but it certainly attracts its oldest people. | | | | Orlando, Florida |
| The Shuffleboard courts here are so large in fact | | | | Here a Big Mac becomes Le Big Mac, and mere |
| that your Aunt Bertha will have trouble making it | | | | French fries become Les French Fries. In fact, if |
| to the other side without her angina acting up. | | | | not for the McDonald's arch standing out front, |
| Don't let her leave home without her meds. | | | | you'd think you'd walked straight into a Parisian |
| Once your aching back has had enough, head | | | | café. |
| inside to the World Shuffleboard Hall Of Fame and | | | | Along with Le Big Mac and other classic |
| pay your respects to Shuffleboard Legends Mae | | | | McDonald's favourites, you'll also find such upscale |
| Hall and Lucy Perkins. Cooperstown has nothing on | | | | fare as, blackened grouper, Portobello eggplant, |
| these guys. | | | | Italian amaretto spumoni and of course, wine. We |
| 2. Las Margaritas Grill: Homosassa Florida | | | | recommend the 1997 Ronald McDonald Red; a |
| Not since the American Revolution has Patriotism | | | | fine, fine year. |
| bled as strong as it does inside the doors of Las | | | | 5. Boat n' Trailer Racing: Bithlo. Florida |
| Margaritas Grill. On Friday and Saturday nights, | | | | For those who have yet to achieve their |
| patrons are handed American flags, and asked to | | | | NASCAR Dream, Boat n' Trailer racing is their |
| take part in the singing of God Bless America, I'm | | | | chance to prove their worth. Brave men and |
| Proud To Be An American, God Bless USA and | | | | women hitch a boat to their vehicle, put the pedal |
| the National Anthem. Those refusing to stand and | | | | down, and unleash a pile of carnage in their wake. |
| sing (not to mention those who partake in flag | | | | Should the above automotive violence still leave |
| burning) are promptly asked to hit the road. | | | | more to be desired, stick around for school bus |
| Loyalists to the British crown, the French, Osama | | | | racing, where you'll see these massive yellow |
| Bin Laden, we suggest you check yourselves at | | | | machines whisk around the track doing deft |
| the door. | | | | defying figure 8s. Hail to the bus driver indeed. |