| The underlying basis of all addictions - and | | | | believed that the pain of leaving would be |
| alcohol is no exception - is the avoidance of | | | | worse than the pain of staying - that she |
| pain. While there is evidence that some | | | | would end up feeling even lonelier. |
| people have genetic and biological | | | | |
| predispositions toward alcoholism, not all | | | | Gwen tried to learn to speak up for herself, |
| people with these predispositions abuse | | | | but this only brought more abuse. From Gwen's |
| alcohol or become alcohol dependent. Many | | | | point of view, there was no way out other |
| people who join AA learn to deal with their | | | | than to numb the pain through drinking. |
| painful emotions without the use of alcohol, | | | | |
| regardless of their genetic predisposition. | | | | As long as Gwen believed that she could be |
| | | | okay only though the approval of others, she |
| What if you are a person who wants to stop | | | | remained stuck and unable to stop drinking. |
| drinking, who has tried AA and treatment | | | | But Gwen decided to get some help in learning |
| programs, and just can't stop? What might be | | | | how to take loving care of herself. |
| happening here? | | | | |
| | | | Gwen grew up being the good girl in her |
| Often, the pain you want avoid is the pain of | | | | family, the person who looked after everyone |
| loneliness and inner aloneness. The aloneness | | | | else's feelings and needs. She learned well |
| is caused by inner disconnection, and the | | | | to ignore her own feelings and needs. When |
| loneliness is caused by not connecting with | | | | she started counseling with me, she actually |
| others. | | | | had no idea why she drank. |
| | | | |
| Sometimes, the situation you are in is | | | | As Gwen started to tune into her own feelings |
| extremely lonely and painful; yet leaving the | | | | and learned to connect with a spiritual |
| situation might seem even more painful. | | | | Source of love and comfort, she realized that |
| | | | keeping herself and her children in an |
| For example, Gwen married a man she thought | | | | abusive situation was not loving to anyone. |
| was kind and caring. But after they had a | | | | She asked her husband to join her in |
| child and experienced financial stress, he | | | | counseling, but he refused. Mustering her |
| became verbally abusive to her and to the | | | | courage, she left her husband - and |
| children. Alcohol had always been a part of | | | | discovered that her family was actually |
| her life, but she started to abuse it when | | | | relieved for her! They had been very worried |
| the pain and stress of her marriage became | | | | about her, but had not wanted to interfere. |
| too great for her to handle. Due to her fear | | | | |
| of her family's judgment and her two | | | | When Gwen no longer felt trapped and |
| children, Gwen did not want to leave her | | | | suffocated, her desire to drink went away. |
| marriage. | | | | She was so excited to be able to be herself. |
| | | | "I just couldn't be myself with Sam. No |
| Gwen felt stuck between a rock and a hard | | | | matter what I did, it was wrong, unless I did |
| place. If she stayed, she would need to | | | | exactly what he wanted me to do. It is such a |
| continue to be at the other end of her | | | | relief to be able to just be myself. And my |
| controlling, angry, needy, blaming, | | | | children actually seem happier too. They are |
| judgmental husband. Gwen felt extremely | | | | so happy to have me back rather than numbed |
| lonely with him and suffocated by him - | | | | out with alcohol." |
| feeling like she had to tow the line and do | | | | |
| what he wanted or be at the other end of his | | | | If you want to stop drinking and can't, you |
| rage. Whenever he would attack her with his | | | | might want to look closely at what you would |
| anger and criticism, she would overtly give | | | | need to do to change your situation so that |
| in, but covertly numb out and resist him with | | | | you no longer need to drink to avoid pain. |
| her drinking. Her husband, Sam, hated her | | | | |
| drinking, and would become even more | | | | Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling |
| controlling. But for Gwen, drinking was the | | | | author and co-authorof eight books, including |
| only way she knew to survive the pain of his | | | | "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be |
| insults while finding some way to resist his | | | | |
| control. Not knowing how to take care of | | | | Loved By You?" and "Healing Your Aloneness." |
| herself with her husband, she gave herself | | | | She is theco-creator of the powerful Inner |
| up, creating the inner aloneness. | | | | Bonding healing process. |
| | | | |
| If she left, she believed she would need to | | | | Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her website |
| face the anger and judgment of her parents | | | | for a FREE |
| and siblings. No one in her family had ever | | | | |
| been divorced. Gwen was terrified of being | | | | Inner Bonding course: or email her at |
| outcast from her family of origin. She | | | | Phone sessionsavailable. |