| The underlying basis of all addictions -
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| | terrified of being outcast from her
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| and alcohol is no exception - is the
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| | family of origin. She believed that the
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| avoidance of pain. While there is
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| | pain of leaving would be worse than the
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| evidence that some people have genetic
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| | pain of staying - that she would end up
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| and biological predispositions toward
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| | feeling even lonelier.
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| alcoholism, not all people with these
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| | Gwen tried to learn to speak up for
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| predispositions abuse alcohol or become
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| | herself, but this only brought more
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| alcohol dependent. Many people who join
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| | abuse. From Gwen's point of view, there
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| AA learn to deal with their painful
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| | was no way out other than to numb the
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| emotions without the use of alcohol,
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| | pain through drinking.
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| regardless of their genetic
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| | As long as Gwen believed that she could
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| predisposition.
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| | be okay only though the approval of
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| What if you are a person who wants to
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| | others, she remained stuck and unable to
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| stop drinking, who has tried AA and
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| | stop drinking. But Gwen decided to get
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| treatment programs, and just can't stop?
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| | some help in learning how to take loving
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| What might be happening here?
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| | care of herself.
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| Often, the pain you want avoid is the
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| | Gwen grew up being the good girl in her
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| pain of loneliness and inner aloneness.
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| | family, the person who looked after
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| The aloneness is caused by inner
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| | everyone else's feelings and needs. She
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| disconnection, and the loneliness is
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| | learned well to ignore her own feelings
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| caused by not connecting with others.
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| | and needs. When she started counseling
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| Sometimes, the situation you are in is
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| | with me, she actually had no idea why she
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| extremely lonely and painful; yet leaving
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| | drank.
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| the situation might seem even more
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| | As Gwen started to tune into her own
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| painful.
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| | feelings and learned to connect with a
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| For example, Gwen married a man she
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| | spiritual Source of love and comfort, she
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| thought was kind and caring. But after
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| | realized that keeping herself and her
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| they had a child and experienced
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| | children in an abusive situation was not
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| financial stress, he became verbally
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| | loving to anyone. She asked her husband
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| abusive to her and to the children.
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| | to join her in counseling, but he
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| Alcohol had always been a part of her
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| | refused. Mustering her courage, she left
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| life, but she started to abuse it when
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| | her husband - and discovered that her
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| the pain and stress of her marriage
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| | family was actually relieved for her!
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| became too great for her to handle. Due
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| | They had been very worried about her, but
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| to her fear of her family's judgment and
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| | had not wanted to interfere.
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| her two children, Gwen did not want to
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| | When Gwen no longer felt trapped and
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| leave her marriage.
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| | suffocated, her desire to drink went
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| Gwen felt stuck between a rock and a hard
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| | away. She was so excited to be able to be
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| place. If she stayed, she would need to
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| | herself. "I just couldn't be myself with
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| continue to be at the other end of her
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| | Sam. No matter what I did, it was wrong,
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| controlling, angry, needy, blaming,
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| | unless I did exactly what he wanted me to
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| judgmental husband. Gwen felt extremely
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| | do. It is such a relief to be able to
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| lonely with him and suffocated by him -
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| | just be myself. And my children actually
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| feeling like she had to tow the line and
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| | seem happier too. They are so happy to
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| do what he wanted or be at the other end
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| | have me back rather than numbed out with
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| of his rage. Whenever he would attack her
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| | alcohol."
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| with his anger and criticism, she would
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| | If you want to stop drinking and can't,
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| overtly give in, but covertly numb out
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| | you might want to look closely at what
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| and resist him with her drinking. Her
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| | you would need to do to change your
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| husband, Sam, hated her drinking, and
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| | situation so that you no longer need to
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| would become even more controlling. But
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| | drink to avoid pain.
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| for Gwen, drinking was the only way she
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| | Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling
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| knew to survive the pain of his insults
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| | author and co-authorof eight books,
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| while finding some way to resist his
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| | including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be
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| control. Not knowing how to take care of
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| | Loved By You?" and "Healing Your
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| herself with her husband, she gave
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| | Aloneness." She is theco-creator of the
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| herself up, creating the inner aloneness.
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| | powerful Inner Bonding healing process.
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| If she left, she believed she would need
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| | Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her
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| to face the anger and judgment of her
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| | website for a FREE
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| parents and siblings. No one in her
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| | Inner Bonding course: or email her at
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| family had ever been divorced. Gwen was
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| | Phone sessionsavailable.
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